Big League Dreams

I'm a dreamer. Always have been, always will be. 
Throughout my life I've wanted to be

• an actress
  
• a dallas cowboys cheerleader
  
• a professional dancer
  
• miss teen texas
  
• a model
• a news anchor
• miss texas
  
• a sports broadcaster
  

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^^^Pretty big dreams, right? ^^^
I was raised to "Dream Big" and "Go Big or Go Home." 
Therefore, I've always been in the middle of doing something completely outrageous. 

the glory days.

Around this time last year I started dealing with a huge internal battle. 
Have I given up on my dreams? 

I was talking to another baseball fiance just the other night, and come to find out I'm not the only one that's struggled with this. 

Our generation has us believing that as women it is our responsibility to no longer be a shadow behind our husband. Unlike 50 years ago when cooking & cleaning were supposed to be our main priorities, now I feel as though becoming a supportive wife and nothing more is looked down upon.

Prime Example: During Spring Training there was a girlfriend that came to visit. During one of our first conversations she gave me the, "Soooo what do you do?" She was pursuing another degree. I felt so inferior. After all my endeavors and successes, my new "non-busy" lifestyle was overshadowing the fact that I was the happiest I think I've ever been. Of course I tried to explain how I'm working part-time and training for a marathon... does it matter? I don't need to explain myself.  God simply led me in a different direction from her and I felt judged because of it.

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I’m tired of being judged. For 20 years I was judged and that’s what my success was dependent upon. Dependent upon the opinions of others. In dance they line up 5 or 7 judges to watch you, then write down what they think you should be scored, in their opinion. In pageants they choose several people, some that have never been to a pageant, to decide who takes home the crown. So go ahead society. Judge on. I'm used to it. :)
But throughout all that judging I realized this: (prepare yourself for a super-duper cliche)

 Winning is not about taking home the trophy, {Okay, so I never complained when I got one} because in my experiences, you can win because you were second all across the board, or lose because one judge scored you in last place.  Winning is about the process. It’s the discipline and hard work you put into something and being able to look back and see all that you got out of it. Life is about the process of reaching that ultimate goal, eternal life through Christ. Being able to look back and know that you did your best to live the way Christ intended. The hardest part is figuring out what Christ intends for you to do with the life you've been given. 

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Do you follow your dreams or the one that you dream of? 
- Jimmy & Josie, The Kyle Bennett Band

Either way you’re faced with the fear of regret. If you don’t follow your dreams will you forever wonder “what if?” If you don’t follow the one you love will you forever think about “what could’ve been?”

Obviously I chose the one that I dream of. The thrill of auditioning is incredible, but I get more of a thrill watching Logan pursue his dream. I find more happiness knowing that we’re living it out together. I have more satisfaction in knowing I’ve found the love of my life. 

Maybe I don't have a law degree. Maybe I'm not as career-driven as society expects (or as my 15-year-old self expected me to be). When I look back at my life 50 years from now, I want to see all the time I put into my family and friends. I want to remember the smiles they put on my face and all the crazy moments we had together. I want to relive the time Logan and I spent Easter Sunday driving from Florida to NY looking like the Beverly Hillbillies hauling my car.

Go ahead and pursue your career. Heck, become CEO of a Fortune 500 Company. You go girl! Like I said before, I'm a dreamer and I support all other dreamer's dreams! But don't look at a woman that has made the decision to follow her husband or quit her job to stay at home with her family and think she gave up on her dreams. 


That's not what happened. She considered her options and her dreams changed. 

So accept the life God has led you to live. It might not be what you always dreamed of, 
It may be something even better! 

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-E